i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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