Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
