Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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