I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
