She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
