No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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