Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Randomize
