She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Randomize
