so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
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I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
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I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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