He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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