Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize