So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
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