i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
