I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
