No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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