dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
