let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Randomize
