i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Randomize
