we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
