I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Randomize
