I'm jealous of your bromance
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Rumble strips road head = magical
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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