i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
found the other keg... it's in the tree
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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