I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
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Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
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tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
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