So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
