She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
We had to coat check the pizza.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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