I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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