She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
