I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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