i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize