He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
