This is not my ceiling
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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