You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
