I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Randomize
