the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
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