he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
