finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Randomize
