I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
