Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Randomize
