remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
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