I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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