apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
