My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
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my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Let's get the cat blown out
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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