Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize