SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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