Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Randomize
