would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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