You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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