i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
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Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
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They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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