you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
