i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
