Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Randomize
