There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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