Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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