Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
