And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
