The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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