Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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