In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
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