i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Randomize
