woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
