This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
