she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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