I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
