He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
